Ma, What Would Life Have Been Like If We Stayed in the Philippines?
I would’ve held your grandfather’s hand when he died I would’ve held my brother’s hand when he died Ma, why did we come to the U.S. A better life more opportunity Would we have had a better life in the Philippines I think I would’ve been happy surrounded by family I would’ve missed your dad in the States but I would only miss one person Right now I miss an entire hive I think you and your sisters would’ve gone to college in Manila Your dad and I would’ve worked hard to make sure you didn’t have to work abroad Do you wish you could turn back time I wish time would obliterate I wish time didn’t force us to work I wish time didn’t tell me you and your sister were just going through a phase That I would have time to see your grandfather That time was not eating away at your uncle’s lungs That with some time your father would get a work promotion I wish leaving was not marked by time Be grateful You and your husband and your children must be grateful I am grateful you are still alive This country will not force me to hold your hand as you die
MT Vallarta (they/them) is a poet and Assistant Professor of Ethnic Studies at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. They are the author of the poetry collection, What You Refuse to Remember, winner of the 2022 Small Harbor Publishing Laureate Prize. They have received fellowships from Lambda Literary, Kundíman, the Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing, and others. They live on Northern Chumash lands, in Santa Maria, CA.