The Lesson in Losing It

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You’ll never not want to kill yourself, he said,
matter-of-factly, he’d probably sat across from
hundreds or thousands of us—a new track
of an old song—So the best you can do, here
he held my hand, is find something to live for

every single day. He gave me back my shoelaces,
wallet, keys, a list of local shrinks I’d never afford
or visit anyway, and, as if it just came to him,
he said, I’ve never seen a guy get as many visitors
as you, honest to god—

The same observation of Hobo Ryan, who told me
to call him that, nineteen, checked himself in
for a few nights off of Ocean Avenue, handsome, 
straight but didn’t mind a guy’s mouth for a price,
laughed when he found out I was “the suicide”

Man, I’d do anything to be you, be gay even, haha—
I don’t mind admitting I loved him then—But really,
It’s been almost a month and you’ve had visitors
every goddamn day! Had it been that long? I lost
hours and days, half my mind, and yet

He was found out in the middle of the night, 
no mental or emotional illness, no insurance,
no way to say goodbye or tell me his last name
which even the doctor couldn’t give me, just
a lanky blonde kid saying, I know this is weird, 

the night before, But do you think I can sleep 
here with you—nothing gay, man, just, I don’t
know, do you mind? How could I? Not at all. Just
two guys who’d never see each other again
trying to find something to live for.




Originally appears in Kissing the Wound (Moon Tide Press, 2023)

Audio: J.D. Isip reads “The Lesson in Losing It”

J.D. Isip is the winner of the 2026 Louise Bogan Award for his collection, What Wonder (Trio House Press, 2027), and he is the editor for the upcoming anthology, The American Pop Culture Almanac: Daily Readings of Poetry & Prose (Moon Tide Press, 2027). His full-length collections include Reluctant Prophets (Moon Tide Press, 2025), Kissing the Wound (Moon Tide Press, 2023), and Pocketing Feathers (Sadie Girl Press, 2015). A native of Southern California, J.D. now teaches in South Texas where he lives with his dogs, Ivy and Bucky.

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“The Lesson in Losing It” by J.D. Isip